Mother's day!

The events of the wekeend were around my mother-in-law, mother, and grandmother, but the three kindergarten classes of Tyler's school hosted a nice morning event for the kids' moms.

I've been taking time for myself this week, seeing films on my own and with others (not the kids), walking through an art show, and taking walks over the lunch break at work. As the kids get older, I remember more who I was before them, and who I still am, and could be. You can see the shift in Facebook posts from those celebrating their first mother's days to the mothers of teenagers.

What I note this weekend are the independent steps being made. The kids newly into card-making, and making enough so nobody feels left out (daddy got a card just-because). Tyler spends hours creating an intricate obstacle course. Ashley is more willing to solve a problem on her own rather than use her skills of verbal persuasion to have something done for her. Tyler is seeking to read more out in the world to figure things out - reading is not just something done in the classroom or at home, but something he looks to use to decipher the world. Ashley, as she was as a child, is very decisive in what she wants, and will hold out for it, turning down alternatives.

More on more, we can introduce the kids more to what we are interested in. I can pick out some songs on the piano with a kid next to me 'playing along,' and another drumming away. I can return with an art show catalogue and flip through it with the kids, sparking them to create something on their own. My husband can get them interested in Funko Pop toys, Voltron, and Godzilla.

The kids literally jump into new versions of themselves. Tyler cannonballs into a condo pool a couple dozen times, when before he had never jumped in. Ashley cruises around the perimeter of the pool.

The more time I spend with them, the more I see how they are like and yet unlike their parents. They are variations on the family theme, yet have the potential for their individual lights to shine.

Happy mother's day to me, thanks to these growing, growing kids.

Details

Tyler: likes to have his facts straight about things that have happened; prefers to watch documentaries about dinosaurs rather than dinosaur cartoons, was very pleased when I said he was a 'master opener' of packaging; is starting to read with some confidence; and counsels his little sister that in school you need to raise your hand and answer questions. He gets more and more casually competent every day so you might not notice - yesterday's yells for help and attention have given way to him completing requested tasks without fuss, and him then resuming what he had been doing. Independence is the default stance.

Ashley: she is an adept chameleon. She can occupy herself with her own pursuits, setting up tableaux around the house of safari animals co-mingling, dolls conspiring, or various impromptu picnic spreads with a diverse gathering of guests. The stuffies sit nested one into the next, all loved by one bigger. She has the loudest voice and the biggest laugh in the house. She alternates between self-absorbed imaginary play to word-for-word repetition & improvisation with her older brother. She sits close, and when that's not enough, she sits or climbs on. She is visually detail-oriented and hands-on, examining objects closely. She carries a toy handled mirror around, a dentist's tool. It doubles as a tiny magnifying glass. She makes verbal jokes and negotiates verbally. Her favourite expression these days is the cheerful & concessionary "okay then!"

Lucky

Tyler is the kind of kid who sets up glow in the dark dinosaurs on the chair arms and around the ottoman where I'll be sitting, so when I keep him company as he falls asleep, I have some light. He sets it up, charges them with a flashlight so they glow, and then leads me in.

He'll be the kind of guy to win over some lucky gal's heart some day.

Is it too soon to perceive character in a 5 year old? There must be a way to preserve this charm and open-hearted love of newly big kid childhood.

It takes a village...

As my five year old engages in various activities, his network of contacts, and our community circle, expands. In this brave new world, he becomes known to family and friends through his parents' social media activity, so I'm conscious of reflecting him at this best: cheerful, compassionate, and clever. We let other adults guide him, through learning, sports, and activities, but provide oversight. 

In his beaver scouts colony meeting, he works on decorating his gingerbread cookie, attaching his mini chocolate chips and Smarties with icing sugar. When his drops to the floor in the kids' rush to leave, he cries, but the attentive leader supplies him with two fresh cookies and supplies to start over. He's one of the two youngest kids in a group of 12, but usually holds his own. He's consoled, and has a cookie for his younger sister to have as well. He is doubly compensated for the loss. I hear about this all in retrospect, and am grateful for the leader's foresight, and compassion, to have extras. 

At home he decorates them again. I tell him at bath-time how lucky he is to be the only one to receive two cookies. He sleeps at the usual time, having navigated successfully through another day.

Never say never...

But I would (probably) never homeschool. And yet, I am taking on the responsibility, more so this year than last, to oversee his 'homework' and to be an active collaborator in what he brings home. I intuit what he is reluctant to do, what he professes not to be good at, and seek strategies to show him that he CAN learn, to celebrate successes, and to mark progress.

Most of all, I seek to pass responsibility to him, so he becomes more and more a self-starter, a problem-solver, an independent thinker, and someone who knows how he is best able to learn.

At home we have the luxury of time: to try different approaches towards a topic or text, to supplement learning, and to branch off into a different area. I am continually impressed that his teachers are able to impart knowledge and skills, but it also falls short - there is more that can be done at home/outside of school, and should be.

From what I've seen so far, school will provide the basics, but education, the kind that matters, truly is a self-directed lifelong pursuit.

Sensitive

Tyler has always tread lightly, seeking to walk in others' shoes. At 5 years old, he says to me in frustration, "How do you think I feel? How do you think that makes me feel?" This is pretty sophisticated for a senior kindergarten child. Then again, he has counseled his 3 year old sister on why it isn't fair to SHOW you have a favourite, and why you can't just show love to one person, or to one person more than other. He tells her, "you need to love other people too, or they feel left out." He has a child's sense of fairness - when given a gift at school, he will save some to bring back to his sister.

He is cheerful at school pick-up, but sometimes hours later will reveal some interpersonal conflict that troubled him. I know I am privileged to be taken into confidence, so I try to listen first of all, take his lead, and help him work out how he feels and might do. And, unfailingly, take his side. The classroom and playground can be rough and loose, and some days, I need to let him transition back to home life, and even to build him back to the child I see, the one who is loving and loveable.

He is more observant, socially savvy, and has more experience with his peers this year. It also means he might be more vulnerable to having his feelings hurt, whereas last year he may not have noticed slights or how kids close ranks and can be fickle. I see the ebb and flow of his own attachments - they reveal themselves in a daily-changing birthday invite list.

He recognizes when being sick gives him a reprieve. He takes a day off school and it stands in also as a mental health break. I will give him these through his school career. If adults can have autonomy at work, and can plan vacation, so too kids should be able to escape sometimes from routine.

He is sensitive, and if nurtured, makes up his nature, and what makes him whole. I will help him protect this, the thing that will keep him open to the world, and to others. If he can be sensitive and remain optimistic, it will turn into a gift he can give: to reflect others back to themselves, to be a negotiator, an encourager, a peacemaker, a teacher/coach/mentor. If he can remain self-aware and confident, he can pursue happiness and purpose/meaning in life.

The older he gets, the better I learn what prayers to pray over him.

First day of school!

We walk him to school, for his first day of Senior Kindergarten (SK)! My brother joins us, as he did last year, and I think it will be a tradition, since he lives and works close by. It is, after all, a day of significance. Kids remember the small things, and Tyler remembered last year, when his uncle accompanied him on the walk to school.

There is a buzz of activity in the school yard. We gravitated towards his teacher from last year, but she redirected us. Tyler's SK teacher has been teaching at the school for several years, and returned from maternity leave in March. She called him by name to join her line. He has the same ECE as last year, a gentle educator who has the respect of the kids. 

I note who else is in his line, including one of his best friends from last year, and a well-behaved boy whose mom I know from volunteering for class trips and events. When it starts to rain, his line, in good order, goes in first. 

He's a little quiet and nervous, but he's ready. I've told him to expect to see his friends again, and to make new friends. I've told him to reach out to little ones in his class who look lonely, or like they need help. He has indoor shoes, lunch & snacks, his favourite shirt, a long raincoat & boots.

A couple more pictures and the bell rings. We look ahead to pick-up, when he will tell us about his day! We've both taken the week off work, so we can drop-off and pick-up together for the rest of the week. 

An hour later, his little sister wakes up - she will adjust also, to playing on her own again these mornings.