30 March, thinking, "This is a blessing, to kiss my sleeping toddler befor heading to the hospital to have his sibling."
Tyler relates to Ashley as adults do, tentatively examining her feet, instinctively placing one hand higher to support her neck when holding her on the couch, and even selectively ignoring her (while watching Treehouse with her sleeping next to him, remembering only to check on her / kiss her between shows!). It helps him not to be jealous when he sees he gets attention while she just lies there and sleeps on and on.
I am unquestionably Ashley's mama, since we plan to exclusively breastfeed the first six months, but at times for Tyler I am like a favorite aunt. I forget he shouldn't play with the window shades and play peekaboo with him 'hiding' behind them, until of course he pulls one down. I let him have tastes of the yummier snacks I'm having...I have less one on one time with him so when I do, I pay full attention to him.
Tyler is adjusting well by being flexible in who he can be with. When we have friends over, he brings book after book to our friend who willingly reads aloud to him. He plays in the backyard with my brother or my husband's brother keeping a watchful eye. He'll ask his grandfather for snacks. He'll dance with anyone...
One week old and it's being noted that Ashley is much more aware and looking around more, though she still has that newborn alien look to her ;) She's light enough to seemingly not weigh anything, but after putting her down or handing her off, you realize she might just be growing and getting bigger.
Having two also automatically means that you seek photos when they are together, but meanwhile they both change every day in different ways. I can see I might lose track of one or the other and then suddenly be surprised by their unstoppable progress...
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Transitions
We had converted Tyler's crib to a bed, but he treats it as a day bed/couch, so we got him a thick Sealy twin and are starting the process of having him nap and sleep there. (He had taken to sleeping on a queen bed in the guest room!)
Out of necessity he's being encouraged to make way and be more independent. He hasn't been too jealous of my attentions to his baby sis. I've realized that with my mother-in-law looking after him for the past ten months when I returned to work, it's her focus that he looks for, and for the regulating and maintaining of his schedule. The rest of us are a diversion. He seems to accept that I/baby are often one unit, as I feed or carry or hold her.
I do cherish the one-on-one time we still have together. I notice his cognitive leaps. We have a motion-activated hall light, and when it turned off, he went and stood under it, looking up. He started reaching up and jumping, and I thought, 'doesn't he realize he is too far away to touch it?' but then the light turned on. He figured out that those walking by can turn it on, and his height as is couldn't do it. I've also seem him point at the library light fixture to turn the light on in the room, and he had started manipulating the dimmer switches in the basement a few months ago. Still, it's a more complex cause/effect with a motion light, and recognizing and overcoming your own limitations to turn it on was impressive to me.
I catch myself looking at my newborn, not even a week old, and asking her to be more clear in what she wants ;)
She learns and adapts also. She feeds at times like her brother did, tiny fists clenched under her chin, intent. When I poke a pinky to a fist, she pauses, and then unfurls her own pinky and another finger to grasp on. Tyler in his first moments clutched my finger in his hand with surprising strength, and her grip may exceed his. Tyler still will take an offered hand - we will all be in the hand-holding stage for a while.
Out of necessity he's being encouraged to make way and be more independent. He hasn't been too jealous of my attentions to his baby sis. I've realized that with my mother-in-law looking after him for the past ten months when I returned to work, it's her focus that he looks for, and for the regulating and maintaining of his schedule. The rest of us are a diversion. He seems to accept that I/baby are often one unit, as I feed or carry or hold her.
I do cherish the one-on-one time we still have together. I notice his cognitive leaps. We have a motion-activated hall light, and when it turned off, he went and stood under it, looking up. He started reaching up and jumping, and I thought, 'doesn't he realize he is too far away to touch it?' but then the light turned on. He figured out that those walking by can turn it on, and his height as is couldn't do it. I've also seem him point at the library light fixture to turn the light on in the room, and he had started manipulating the dimmer switches in the basement a few months ago. Still, it's a more complex cause/effect with a motion light, and recognizing and overcoming your own limitations to turn it on was impressive to me.
I catch myself looking at my newborn, not even a week old, and asking her to be more clear in what she wants ;)
She learns and adapts also. She feeds at times like her brother did, tiny fists clenched under her chin, intent. When I poke a pinky to a fist, she pauses, and then unfurls her own pinky and another finger to grasp on. Tyler in his first moments clutched my finger in his hand with surprising strength, and her grip may exceed his. Tyler still will take an offered hand - we will all be in the hand-holding stage for a while.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Brother and sister
Big bro today saw little sis fussing in the swing chair and asked if he could carry/pick her up. I said yes, and said we'd go to the couch. He runs over, scales the couch, and sits with his arms out like a forklift. I place her in his arms and his eyes widen, he considers the weight of her, and bends his head down in a 'kiss.' He touches her foot in the sleeper. All is well until she fusses a bit and he pushes her off and backs away...
3 days old
Remembering what breast feeding (motherhood) is like: a hungry mouth clamps down on a sensitive part of your body. Instead of pulling away, you move closer.
Signs of awareness: somehow knowing the difference between being held and being put down, preferring of course, to be held.
Settling/attending to the sound of mom or dad's voice.
When feeding, stops and opens her eyes when someone enters the room, resumes when they leave.
Signs of awareness: somehow knowing the difference between being held and being put down, preferring of course, to be held.
Settling/attending to the sound of mom or dad's voice.
When feeding, stops and opens her eyes when someone enters the room, resumes when they leave.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Baby girl!
Need a new name for this site...we welcomed a baby girl, Ashley, 31 March at 1150am, 6lb, 14oz! So far, all evidence suggests that she's perfect :)
We were mindful of how to introduce her to her big brother Tyler. When we came home, everyone cleared out except Tyler and his grandmother, and we came in with her. He studied the situation and then when we put the bassinet on the ground with her in it, he crouched down to check her out. We had been having his godmother and their 6 month old over at the house frequently so he called her by that name. He gave his version of a kiss (forehead bump) a few times. He was startled when she cried and backed away, but came back when he settled. In all, she was a novelty, and he seemed pleased.
He quickly leaned to call her 'little sister' in Cantonese. There were enough family members in the house that he has lots of attention, and I spent some one on one time playing with him as we always do. He fussed a little to be caried when his grandmother carried her instead of him.
But then, he was able to climb into the chair with me while I was holding her, and suddenly having a child on each arm felt both surreal and natural. Perhaps it's been the short time apart, or I'm newly aware, but his language seems to have made a leap. I'm not sure how much he understands, but I changes him, and then changed his sister, and after, he looked at the change table supplies and pulled a few of her smaller diapers out to look at. We bathed her and them him, and he watched while she fussed, added a couple of his toys to her bath, and waited/loitered at the bathtub waiting for his turn.
In the good night ritual he kissed me and then Ashley as well.
These are investments we are making in both their lives, to not take a close relationship between them for granted, but to shape it to one where they will always look out for each other, and be the best allies/companions that can exist, from the playground, to shared joy and troubles.
We were mindful of how to introduce her to her big brother Tyler. When we came home, everyone cleared out except Tyler and his grandmother, and we came in with her. He studied the situation and then when we put the bassinet on the ground with her in it, he crouched down to check her out. We had been having his godmother and their 6 month old over at the house frequently so he called her by that name. He gave his version of a kiss (forehead bump) a few times. He was startled when she cried and backed away, but came back when he settled. In all, she was a novelty, and he seemed pleased.
He quickly leaned to call her 'little sister' in Cantonese. There were enough family members in the house that he has lots of attention, and I spent some one on one time playing with him as we always do. He fussed a little to be caried when his grandmother carried her instead of him.
But then, he was able to climb into the chair with me while I was holding her, and suddenly having a child on each arm felt both surreal and natural. Perhaps it's been the short time apart, or I'm newly aware, but his language seems to have made a leap. I'm not sure how much he understands, but I changes him, and then changed his sister, and after, he looked at the change table supplies and pulled a few of her smaller diapers out to look at. We bathed her and them him, and he watched while she fussed, added a couple of his toys to her bath, and waited/loitered at the bathtub waiting for his turn.
In the good night ritual he kissed me and then Ashley as well.
These are investments we are making in both their lives, to not take a close relationship between them for granted, but to shape it to one where they will always look out for each other, and be the best allies/companions that can exist, from the playground, to shared joy and troubles.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sign that you go to the same kid-friendly restaurant too many times...
Your 22 month old arrives and makes a beeline to your usual table!
Friday, March 23, 2012
My sensitive boy
It's been pointed out to me that Tyler is "relational," "sociable," "empathetic," and "self-regulates his emotions well." As parents we did note that he seemed to be a calm, reasonable, and adaptable baby. I think what he is going to be is a kid highly attuned to the emotions and well-being of others. He reflects emotions well, knows when he is in disgrace, and shares surprisingly well for a 22-month old. During a play date today he noted which of his toys his peers liked and sought to offer them accordingly. He is gentle with his 7-month old guest and inclines his head to let her grab and pull on his hair. He's engaging in more interactive play with his peers rather than parallel play.
I know children observe more than we realize, but it still surprises me:
He saw me wiping the floor so he remembers where he saw another wipe container (belonging to his play date buddy) and went to some effort to dig it out, open it, take out a wipe, and then join in on helping. As he is learning language we are caught off guard when he repeats a phrase, using the same intonation.
I notice I'm talking to him more with the assumption that he understands at least the intent of what I'm saying, if not all of the content...that is, he may understand I am easing him towards transition of activity, if not exactly the timing why. He might understand we need to wait for some reason, if not exactly why. He knows I am trying to soothe him, and help him calm down, even though he's not happy at the moment.
All of this to say that I anticipate he will have his feelings hurt in future, being both perceptive and vulnerable to group dynamics/adult authority. However, he may be a good listener and a good and generous friend. I hope he is his own person and naturally leads and looks out for others.
I've continued to be reassured by others, mostly parents of kids he interacts with, that he'll be a great big brother. I've been consciously developing that nurturing side in the past weeks, as we look at books in which a baby is cared for by a mom and in the context of family, when we pretend he has twin 'bear babies' to pat, seat in a baby chair, and hug/stroke gently, and when we have play dates with infants. Since we opted not to be told the baby's gender, I've been wondering whether he really would get in better with a little brother who would look up to him, or a little sister who he would look after.
I know children observe more than we realize, but it still surprises me:
He saw me wiping the floor so he remembers where he saw another wipe container (belonging to his play date buddy) and went to some effort to dig it out, open it, take out a wipe, and then join in on helping. As he is learning language we are caught off guard when he repeats a phrase, using the same intonation.
I notice I'm talking to him more with the assumption that he understands at least the intent of what I'm saying, if not all of the content...that is, he may understand I am easing him towards transition of activity, if not exactly the timing why. He might understand we need to wait for some reason, if not exactly why. He knows I am trying to soothe him, and help him calm down, even though he's not happy at the moment.
All of this to say that I anticipate he will have his feelings hurt in future, being both perceptive and vulnerable to group dynamics/adult authority. However, he may be a good listener and a good and generous friend. I hope he is his own person and naturally leads and looks out for others.
I've continued to be reassured by others, mostly parents of kids he interacts with, that he'll be a great big brother. I've been consciously developing that nurturing side in the past weeks, as we look at books in which a baby is cared for by a mom and in the context of family, when we pretend he has twin 'bear babies' to pat, seat in a baby chair, and hug/stroke gently, and when we have play dates with infants. Since we opted not to be told the baby's gender, I've been wondering whether he really would get in better with a little brother who would look up to him, or a little sister who he would look after.
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