Signs of maturity

Not a little kid any more...

Tyler:
-prefers to sit in a chair at the table for snacks rather than a high chair
-is more aware of being a guest at others' houses, understanding that the toys he plays with are to be  asked for, amd returned on request
-can take "no" for an answer!
-initiates age-appropriate games with younger guests, like peekaboo
-will page through one of his books on his own
-regulates his energy at times, lying down for a brief rest
-has a calmer temperament overall
-when making a joke, looks for a positive response before repeating it
-identifying similar-sounding words, "racoon & cocoon," "parrot & pirate."
-tries to soothe fussy sister by giving her a hug, making verbal reassurances, alerting mommy if sister is crying
-can assess and report that little sis is tired, and tries to be quiet himself and admonishes others to be quiet if she is sleeping

2.5 year old son & 7 month old daughter

Sharing: I tell Tyler if he's going to take his toy from his sister that he should find something for her to play with. He considers, and brings something she liked the day before. It seems like we are reasoning together, this toddler and I.

"Older baby": Ashley is now in that sturdy baby stage where she has good head & neck control, makes sudden lunges & grabs for desirable objects, smiles/coos/laughs, and rolls back & forth well. This is the pre-crawling stage in which she is still light on one arm but newly independent to seek out her own distractions when awake and alert. I held her sleeping in one arm while I ate dinner, and when she suddenly awoke, she kept her cheek pressed into me, calm and unblinking.

We see the signs of readiness and we are encouraging Tyler to be independent of diapers, via a pull-ups stage. He really is growing up, growing into his own person with opinions, stated preferences, fears, jokes. He is a "big kid" among our set of friends' kids, taking on an "older brother" role. In the car, to his little sis, he says, "don't cry, mui mui [little sis], Tien-Yun [his Chinese name] here." A pause, and he pats the portable bathtub next to him: "boat here too!"

Consolation for daylight savings time & colder weather: Christmas is coming!

Sibling rivalry

Here's what it looks like: appreciating the company of each other, but having to share mommy. 2 year old interacts with his little sis, but also gives suggestions for me to put her down on a playmat, or te change table pad, or the swing chair. He alerts me to the fact that she is crying and tells me to pick her up, but by evening he is upset that she gets a bath first and that's she is occupying my lap yet again. I try and shift her to the side and have him sit on the other side. I am sometimes very conscious of being watched by him, and at those times I'll reach for him first to reassure him before settling in with her. I endeavor to talk to him while physically in contact with her. Still, it's an encroachment: he was here first.

For her, she is becoming nearly as accustomed to his presence as to mine. She looks for him, grabs for his shirt, his hair, watches him and tracks his movements. Sometimes, though,
he's unexpectedly loud when she wants to drift off to sleep, or her feeding is abruptly interrupted, or she's put down somewhere and left, and attention is diverted from her when she most craves it. Sometimes he's right in front of her and then another object jumps into view: a bath duck, a block, a receiving blanket. She isn't an afterthought, but she doesn't always have the undivided thought.

For me, I still tend to want to "divide and conquer," putting one down for a nap to play with the other, or if there are two adults in the house for each to have one kid. I am reminded though that sometimes having two together is easier than each of them apart, as I can sing a song that calms one and energizes the other, or they benefit from the stimulation of having the other.

Finally, I am thankful every day that we can use the outdoors as a change of environment, a place to let off some steam, have fresh air & sun, and have privacy in the backyard while still having blue sky beyond the tree canopy. Outdoor time feels productive & virtuous, whereas television time still feels like a shortcoming a half hour segment at a time.

Language is coming on strong, the better to assert their place in the world and talk to its occupants, big and small.

Three month old daughter

14 weeks old: 5.72 kg, 61 cm. There was a time when I wondered if I loved her as much as her older brother, because the same level of intensity wasn't there. Eventually I realized that this was the ease of having a second child. With the firstborn, it's exhilarating & terrifying, and you are both love-struck & shell-shocked. You love your baby so much and are full of anxiety that they will stop breathing. I am able to enjoy this infant time now that I know what comes next...rolling, crawling, separation anxiety, walking, talking, weaning...it must be said too that objectively, she's an easy baby. She set her own schedule within a few weeks without my having to establish it or reinforce it. She feeds well and sleeps well. Like her brother, she has a certain amount of maturity, even as a newborn. These are my 'old soul,' 'wise' children.

Personality

I noticed two months ago a new level of sophistication in Tyler: he knows how to 'play the system.' Grandma asked him to tell her when the 'Toopy & Binoo segment ended.' The half hour show has subtle transitions and music changes between mini-episodes. When the time came, he looked askance at me to see if I would give him away. I didn't, and he shifted and settled into watching another. A month ago his new thing was lining up similar toys in orderly rows. This weekend we went to a friend's house with an inflatable pool, and he found a bucket, filled it, and carries it to a dirt patch to water it. He did this until he empties half the pool. He wasn't interested in sitting in the pool, but kept circling it. Today he's doing the same thing, playing with all the toy ducks from outside the pool. I think he likes to experiment and engage in an activity without getting right into the middle of it. I've heard he does the same at circle time, circling the group and looking on. Perhaps he'll be a film director or product tester coordinator...

Parenting 2.0

With a second child, you can be a better parent because you not only have more experience, you know to carve out time for yourself as an individual, to nourish and sustain who you are apart from being a parent.

Two months old

This time around, some things have so easily become familiar, such as knowing when to pick her up before she becomes upset, anticipating when she wil spit up, making mental notes of how she likes to be carried, recognizing when she's feeding and when she's pacifying herself. At the same time, I forget that incrementally, she's developing and hitting milestones. The movement of her limbs has become more coordinated. She's learned how to self-soothe by sucking on her fist or arm. She coos in turn and looks at me inquiringly. She's filling out 3 month clothes and while we thought she only had a right cheek dimple, it turns out she may have a matching one on the other cheek. I'm going to let her hair grow out in the back to see how long it can grow. A second-born child doesn't get to do everything first, but by the time they arrive on the scene, everything has been prepared for them...all the conditions for success are already in place. The experimental trials are over and they benefit from parents who have greater knowledge and experience. They also have an older sibling to look out for them, who is just a little ahead in the work of being a kid. Two months, and I feel as well as I did, if not better, as when Tyler was six months old. I may have ten months then, to enjoy the time away from work. The thing to do is make the most of the nice, warm weather. Once winter sets in, I'll be back at work before it gets really warm again at he very beginning of Spring. We will have to store up the outdoor time before we are stuck indoors on dark winter days. Two months old already!