Parenting 2.0

With a second child, you can be a better parent because you not only have more experience, you know to carve out time for yourself as an individual, to nourish and sustain who you are apart from being a parent.

Two months old

This time around, some things have so easily become familiar, such as knowing when to pick her up before she becomes upset, anticipating when she wil spit up, making mental notes of how she likes to be carried, recognizing when she's feeding and when she's pacifying herself. At the same time, I forget that incrementally, she's developing and hitting milestones. The movement of her limbs has become more coordinated. She's learned how to self-soothe by sucking on her fist or arm. She coos in turn and looks at me inquiringly. She's filling out 3 month clothes and while we thought she only had a right cheek dimple, it turns out she may have a matching one on the other cheek. I'm going to let her hair grow out in the back to see how long it can grow. A second-born child doesn't get to do everything first, but by the time they arrive on the scene, everything has been prepared for them...all the conditions for success are already in place. The experimental trials are over and they benefit from parents who have greater knowledge and experience. They also have an older sibling to look out for them, who is just a little ahead in the work of being a kid. Two months, and I feel as well as I did, if not better, as when Tyler was six months old. I may have ten months then, to enjoy the time away from work. The thing to do is make the most of the nice, warm weather. Once winter sets in, I'll be back at work before it gets really warm again at he very beginning of Spring. We will have to store up the outdoor time before we are stuck indoors on dark winter days. Two months old already!

If I don't write it down...

I feel like I'll lose it. It's why I keep documenting, though not everything ends up here. Today was a busy day in the household, but I am quiet with the three week old on the still small centre of things. She's a little satellite in orbit around me. Left to ourselves in the house this evening, she curled up and fell asleep in my lap like a cat. She looks different day to day and demonstrates more awareness day to day as well, craving contact, settling when talked to, experimenting with moving her head about, more control over her arms and hands. Having a second means you know what to cherish and what to look forward to, as you see thisbomh target of development that is your toddler. I am still wholly charmed by my toddler, who picked dandelions today, and clutched them in a bunch on one hand while being carried back inside. Adults put things down and pick them up again. Toddlers hold into things or give them to a someone to hold for safekeeping, or dramatically throw them aside.

Love the way...

23mo's eyes light up when he spots an object of desire: a melon ice bar I'm eating that he's confident I'll share with him (I do, we practice taking turns), his baby sis when he comes in to say goodnight to her, anything in a box, a puppy seen from indoors, the back door opening and his first steps outside to play.

2 week old's eyes are surveying the scene while she's awake, head turtling from side to side. Even at this age, I sense she is settling in: able to be more easily calmed by familiar voices, touch, and smells; starting to recognize what happens right before she's fed; when being changed is ending and she will be comfortable again; that bath time isn't so scary; that she is being cared for.

Imitation

Figured out why Tyler once in a while lies on his stomach and puts his arms behind his back, palms up...he's taking on the posture of Ashley, who likes to be swaddled. It's also why when he sees her lying down on one side he snuggles up alongside, facing her, feigning sleep. He makes cursory attempts to soothe her when she cries, with a conciliatory pat, but backs off when her crying escalates...'you take her,' he seems to say.

Meanwhile, baby girl's face is filling out, her hair is getting longer, and her fingernails will need to be cut soon again. She likes to be swaddled and to co-sleep...I think she'll be cuddly for a long time.

Big bro / little sis

First week

30 March, thinking, "This is a blessing, to kiss my sleeping toddler befor heading to the hospital to have his sibling."

Tyler relates to Ashley as adults do, tentatively examining her feet, instinctively placing one hand higher to support her neck when holding her on the couch, and even selectively ignoring her (while watching Treehouse with her sleeping next to him, remembering only to check on her / kiss her between shows!). It helps him not to be jealous when he sees he gets attention while she just lies there and sleeps on and on.

I am unquestionably Ashley's mama, since we plan to exclusively breastfeed the first six months, but at times for Tyler I am like a favorite aunt. I forget he shouldn't play with the window shades and play peekaboo with him 'hiding' behind them, until of course he pulls one down. I let him have tastes of the yummier snacks I'm having...I have less one on one time with him so when I do, I pay full attention to him.

Tyler is adjusting well by being flexible in who he can be with. When we have friends over, he brings book after book to our friend who willingly reads aloud to him. He plays in the backyard with my brother or my husband's brother keeping a watchful eye. He'll ask his grandfather for snacks. He'll dance with anyone...

One week old and it's being noted that Ashley is much more aware and looking around more, though she still has that newborn alien look to her ;) She's light enough to seemingly not weigh anything, but after putting her down or handing her off, you realize she might just be growing and getting bigger.

Having two also automatically means that you seek photos when they are together, but meanwhile they both change every day in different ways. I can see I might lose track of one or the other and then suddenly be surprised by their unstoppable progress...