I remember there was a time when I would say to him, "what do you want to do now?" and then I would do whatever I thought best to fill the next 15-increment period of time, such as "reading" a book together, or putting him in the stroller for a walk, or setting up the mobile to move over his swing chair. That was infancy.
Toddlerhood is a grand adventure, in which I follow the lead of a purposeful, busy being, who is prioritizing playing with toys, checking in on various people in the house and what they are doing, accessing snacks, making clothing decisions (shoes and/or socks on/off?), and exploring the source of sounds or changes in the environment.
I am observing how he manages new environments and interacts with others. He and I had a play date today with five women, two older toddler boys, and a 2 month old baby girl. He's used to one-on-one time during the day with a family member, either my mother-in-law or myself, so usually takes a bit of time to warm up in a group. He remembered this house and what he liked to play with (the guitar on a stand, the computer mouse, the tall plant in the corner). As more people arrived, he stayed close to me. I carved out some space for us to be both with the group and apart - we ate near the table, but sitting on the stairs in the same room. I noticed as I would go to and fro that he was comfortable staying around the area, and as he was finishing eating he retrieved a heavy wooden toy, a videocassette he had been looking at, and even half-dragged/half-carried over a footstool to the area. It was becoming like a little fortress with his spoils - the occupied land in the corner that he was laying claim to.
He was both interested in and jostling for position at times with one of the other toddlers, both of them running for the door when someone arrived, like puppies, and each of them brushing past the other to get to someone or some thing or other. They both resolutely refused to share the wooden hammer toy, though each in turn forgot or were distracted from their interest in it, and by discarding it "let" the other have their time with it. Meanwhile, with the toddler he was more familiar with, he "visited" him a few times while he was perched on a chair, putting his face in close to his to see what he was up to.
I am thinking we should have him spend more time with a small baby, so he understands what they are like and how to behave. When the 2 month old was put in a swing chair, he moved the chair back and forth gently, fingered her hair, and at one point set his feet and reached for her with both arms as if to lift her out, the better to play with her. When her mom was nursing her, he and one of the other toddlers came to attend the occasion, and he made grabs at her kicking sock-clad feet poking out from the nursing cover.
We disperse in the early afternoon for older-child school pick-ups or to avoid traffic, but not before a little nap-needy crying. It's noted that he is playing it up a little for his audience, so I take him away to the adjoining room to allow him to regroup and reset.
He's still an "easy baby," is affectionate, and still enjoys cuddle time, but I see the spirit of toddlerhood in him, which will only grow stronger as he becomes more and more independent. I am cherishing all the one-on-one time, this toddling/babbling/verbalizing/climbing phase, the time between outgrowing those 12 month baby outfits and the time before he's really walking alongside, talking all the while.
Another mom and I are expecting within a week of each other - we can compare notes up to and after the births - this will be her third, so I can definitely benefit from having perspective - recognizing things could be even more hectic! I note that the three moms with toddlers don't need the "baby fix" that the two older women do, taking it in turn to rock and hold the 2 month old close. It's still fresh to us, or the time will come around again soon enough. I am looking forward to meeting this new one, whose gender we are waiting again for birth to find out, but I remember the sleep deprivation and long sometimes-lonely days...I am motivated to bring up my toddler to be good company during my maternity leave, during his year of going from 2 to 3 years old. I expect at least I will have someone who will talk to me all the time!
It's good to be part of a community of women & children - we by design this time met without the menfolk on a sunny weekday.
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