Sunday, October 12, 2014

It happens that

My daughter and I are looking at a photo book. I point at a photo of her grandfather and ask who it is. She says her nonsense filler phrase that she uses when she doesn't know: "Di di di." I'm not surprised she is starting to forget, and it makes me sad. And yet, she is not sad...and so I am conflicted.

Meanwhile, my wise old soul, my four year old, does remember, and will continue to announce, in a matter-of-fact manner, seven months later, that his grandfather has died. He recognizes being so blunt makes others sad, even though he's being as honest and open as he can be about the biggest lesson of his young life. I coach him, saying he could say instead that he misses his grandfather. His air of sophistication breaks down. He says, "I do...I do miss him." He turns away for a moment, taken by a surge of emotion.

This Thanksgiving weekend, the homecoming and family weekend, I'm thankful and sad. I think of my kids missing a grandfather - my daughter not remembering so well any more what she is missing, and my son, not always sure what to do about and how to express his feelings of loss.




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