April showers

Yes, it's Spring, and I suppose it is cold...

Here at home, we have faced some tremendous loss, one that Tyler seeks to understand, and that Ashley may only feel. How do you explain death to a couple of toddlers, when life is all they've known? One way is to talk about life cycles of living things. Another way is to answer their questions as they observe proceedings. And, during the process, you guard their hearts.

It is a divine design and mercy that keeps Tyler from dwelling in sadness, and that keeps him from understanding that death is permanent.

Ashley looks at pictures and names him, her grandfather. "Don't forget," I whisper to her.

Make hay while the sun shines

In my case, it's "write a post while the kids play with Play-Doh..."

How is it these days? When parenting is physically demanding, I say I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. When there are unexpectedly easy periods, I realize I have an almost-4 year old and an almost-2 year old.

Yesterday we dropped off the junior kindergarten registration package at the neighbourhood public school. Tyler will start a full-day program in September. Before moving into the area we had already established that this would be the school we would send our (future) kids to, and I feel at ease with this, six years later. Sending them to a school that we would have to drop off / pick up from, or have them take buses to, means the kids are less accessible, and the links to community more tenuous. Every morning I drive past the school, and read what they've posted on their outdoor sign. Every evening when I drive home, I scan to see how many cars are left in the parking lot - a sign of staff dedication to their work. I've checked out their provincial test scores, noted the diversity represented in their staff photographs, and I appreciate their well-kept grounds, abundance of green space, and modern outdoor play structures. I'm getting connected: I've joined the school's mailing list and am following them on Twitter.

Would I enrol them into an early French or French immersion program? After talking to my mother, retiring from 25 years of elementary school teaching this year, I don't think it's necessary. My kids are already being raised in a bilingual environment (English/Cantonese). My primary concern is that they develop a strong foundation and easy facility with English. Learning French as a subject in grade 4 means that it will be fun and novel, rather than a potential roadblock to learning all other subjects, including English.

What about private school? Well, I can't see paying a small fortune for the basics primary/junior. We have a few years to think about the value of it for the intermediate/senior years.

Now the countdown begins to the first day of school...Pinterest can help me make it a photo moment, but who will help me prepare my heart?

It's 2014 - time to get back into the writing habit. Participated in a work-related conference (#HRPA2014), and it feels good to ride that wave into the new calendar year.

Reading Italo Calvino's "If on a winter's night a traveler"

Approaching one year!

Ashley will be one year old soon, progressing from counting in months to counting by year...we hosted an early birthday party with a Minnie Mouse theme, toddler-friendly food, ice cream cake, and  presents! We took off with both kids for cross-border shopping the day after, and picked up some more pretty dresses, ones that look like they were designed for dolls.

Tyler & Ashley have already settled into a love/don't love relationship. He gets on a ride-on toy and tows her behind in a red wagon. He pats her lovingly while she's napping. He seeks to console her if she's crying. But then, he also hides his toys from her, pushes her away, and sometimes eats her food...

If we were to have a third, I'd like another girl. I think sisters are a stabilizing influence on each other,  and my son will also learn doubly how to respect women. Another boy would be easier though, we'd be more rough & tumble, and have no need for those pretty, but fussy clothes.

Not enough time to blog these days, just a tweet now & again...

Signs of maturity

Not a little kid any more...

Tyler:
-prefers to sit in a chair at the table for snacks rather than a high chair
-is more aware of being a guest at others' houses, understanding that the toys he plays with are to be  asked for, amd returned on request
-can take "no" for an answer!
-initiates age-appropriate games with younger guests, like peekaboo
-will page through one of his books on his own
-regulates his energy at times, lying down for a brief rest
-has a calmer temperament overall
-when making a joke, looks for a positive response before repeating it
-identifying similar-sounding words, "racoon & cocoon," "parrot & pirate."
-tries to soothe fussy sister by giving her a hug, making verbal reassurances, alerting mommy if sister is crying
-can assess and report that little sis is tired, and tries to be quiet himself and admonishes others to be quiet if she is sleeping

2.5 year old son & 7 month old daughter

Sharing: I tell Tyler if he's going to take his toy from his sister that he should find something for her to play with. He considers, and brings something she liked the day before. It seems like we are reasoning together, this toddler and I.

"Older baby": Ashley is now in that sturdy baby stage where she has good head & neck control, makes sudden lunges & grabs for desirable objects, smiles/coos/laughs, and rolls back & forth well. This is the pre-crawling stage in which she is still light on one arm but newly independent to seek out her own distractions when awake and alert. I held her sleeping in one arm while I ate dinner, and when she suddenly awoke, she kept her cheek pressed into me, calm and unblinking.

We see the signs of readiness and we are encouraging Tyler to be independent of diapers, via a pull-ups stage. He really is growing up, growing into his own person with opinions, stated preferences, fears, jokes. He is a "big kid" among our set of friends' kids, taking on an "older brother" role. In the car, to his little sis, he says, "don't cry, mui mui [little sis], Tien-Yun [his Chinese name] here." A pause, and he pats the portable bathtub next to him: "boat here too!"

Consolation for daylight savings time & colder weather: Christmas is coming!

Sibling rivalry

Here's what it looks like: appreciating the company of each other, but having to share mommy. 2 year old interacts with his little sis, but also gives suggestions for me to put her down on a playmat, or te change table pad, or the swing chair. He alerts me to the fact that she is crying and tells me to pick her up, but by evening he is upset that she gets a bath first and that's she is occupying my lap yet again. I try and shift her to the side and have him sit on the other side. I am sometimes very conscious of being watched by him, and at those times I'll reach for him first to reassure him before settling in with her. I endeavor to talk to him while physically in contact with her. Still, it's an encroachment: he was here first.

For her, she is becoming nearly as accustomed to his presence as to mine. She looks for him, grabs for his shirt, his hair, watches him and tracks his movements. Sometimes, though,
he's unexpectedly loud when she wants to drift off to sleep, or her feeding is abruptly interrupted, or she's put down somewhere and left, and attention is diverted from her when she most craves it. Sometimes he's right in front of her and then another object jumps into view: a bath duck, a block, a receiving blanket. She isn't an afterthought, but she doesn't always have the undivided thought.

For me, I still tend to want to "divide and conquer," putting one down for a nap to play with the other, or if there are two adults in the house for each to have one kid. I am reminded though that sometimes having two together is easier than each of them apart, as I can sing a song that calms one and energizes the other, or they benefit from the stimulation of having the other.

Finally, I am thankful every day that we can use the outdoors as a change of environment, a place to let off some steam, have fresh air & sun, and have privacy in the backyard while still having blue sky beyond the tree canopy. Outdoor time feels productive & virtuous, whereas television time still feels like a shortcoming a half hour segment at a time.

Language is coming on strong, the better to assert their place in the world and talk to its occupants, big and small.